* Note: this article is satire *

I have a confession: I love watching late night infomercials. It’s like seeing the aftermath of a train wreck; it’s terrible to witness but you just can’t turn your head away from it. After many nights of watching these infomercials, I believe I have come up with the perfect how-to guide to make your inferior product and/or service into a cash cow! Here’s how it’s done: